Seeking Asylum
by TipandMalarkey
Summary: Clary is bulimic. She wants to be like her best friend, Izzy, who is perfect in every way. Said friend discovers Clary's secret and begs her to go to counselling sessions that Izzy's brother goes to. Will Clary fall fro the mysterious blue eyed boy, whose body is laced with scars? Or the golden druggie whose imagination is out of this world? AU, Clarec and Clace?
1. Chapter 1

Don't own any of these wonderful characters

**Seeking Asylum**

Chapter 1:

Clary spent most evenings with her head stuck down the toilet emptying her stomach. Tonight was no different. She stared down into the water and thought of what little she had eaten only moments ago. No matter how small the amount she had to get rid of it. All of it. The food had to go, food was bad. She repeated this mantra in her head until she was only wrenching up her stomach lining. This was all very routine for her; get rid of the food, flush the toilet, wash her hands, brush her teeth. As clary washed her hands she looked at herself in the mirror, she hated what she saw. A short girl with tangled orange hair, freckled, blemished skin and pudgy cheeks. The mirror was her worst enemy, Clary thought; she raised a fist and punched it hard. To Clary's disappointment the mirror did not shatter or even crack a little, however her knuckles had reddened a bit. Maybe she hadn't punched as hard as she had thought.

"Everything okay in there?" called a cheery voice from the bedroom. Urgh, great. Clary had almost forgotten that her best friend was still waiting in the other room. Well, Clary wasn't really sure if Izzy was her best friend - it was hard to be close to someone if you were insanely jealous of them. Everything about Izzy was just so perfect, she was skinny and beautiful, something Clary had always wanted to be. Her hair was long and soft, never getting tangled like Clary's did. With Izzy's tall, slender figure she could be a model, Clary thought of herself as the exact opposite; short and chubby only fit for the role of an oompa loompa. Izzy always had a flock of boys admiring and seemed to have some sort of power over them. Shallow as it may be Clary wanted to have that sort of power, but no boy ever seemed to look at Clary twice, especially when she was with Izzy.

Composing herself, Clary reached for the lock and opened the door. With a grin she hoped looked genuine she replied "Yeah, fine. I just dropped the hair brush trying to tame this mess" she pointed up at her hair.

Luckily, Izzy seemed oblivious to what Clary had really just been doing in the bathroom. That was until she took a step closer to Clary "What's that smell?"

Damn. In her haste Clary had forgotten to brush her teeth, she could still taste the bitter taste in her mouth. "Um… I don't smell anything." She knew it was weak but Clary didn't know what else to say. Struggling for something to say Clary tried to distract Izzy using the best way she knew how - makeovers. "So do you wanna try tame my curls?"

It seemed that Izzy had realised Clary was trying to change the subject but she just squinted her eyes at Clary before sitting her down in front of the vanity. Somehow Izzy managed to run and comb through Clary's hair and was halfway through straightening it when she spoke again quietly. "Did you really think I wouldn't realise?" Oh no. Quickly, Clary tried to think of an excuse, anything she could use as a cover story. But Izzy shook her head "Don't try to deny it Clary, I'm your best friend, of course I noticed." Clary didn't know what to say, she had thought she hid it so well, she even ate whole meals in front of her friends. A single tear slide down her cheek and she went to wipe it away before Izzy could see. She was too slow. Izzy's strong arms wrapped around Clary's and she was pulled into a hug "No, don't cry it's okay." This just made Clary cry even more. Izzy stroked Clary's newly straight hair and rocked her slightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Clary choked between her sobs.

Izzy pushed her friend away so she could look Clary in the face "Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry for not saying anything sooner; I didn't know how serious it was."

Clary wiped her tear-stained face and shook her head "No, it's not serious, I'm fine. Just please don't tell anyone" she begged.

Looking sadly down at her hands Izzy said "Clary you're not fine. You're bulimic. And you need help, please let me help you." Sensing Clary was about to protest Izzy turned Clary's chair so it was facing the mirror "Look. That's what you look like"' Seeing what she always did Clary wanted to shut her eyes.

"Yes, I know" she said in a small trembling voice "Fat and ugly. That's exactly why I have to..,why I have to…"

Izzy was dumbfounded at the girls resopnse. "What? Throw up everything you eat until there's nothing left of you? I'll tell you what I see Clary." Izzy said, looking at Clary's reflection. "I see a skeleton. A hollow body. Nothing but skin and bones, you're wasting away. Please let me help you." Izzy's voice had a note of pleading in it.

Angry now, Clary stood up but she was still at least a head shorter than Izzy. "Do tell, how do you plan on helping me. I don't need your help." She said haughtily "In fact, I don't need anyone's help." Grabbing her bag Clary head for the door "I'm going home."

"No don't. Look I'm sorry but Clary if you could see what I see…" Izzy looked so worried for her friend that Clary perched on the bed beside her. This was Izzy's chance, she clasped Clary's hand in hers "I know you don't want to but there's this group counselling session my brother goes to every week and I think it could really help you." She said it all quickly, before Clary got the chance to stop her. Clary raised an eyebrow at the black haired girl, so Izzy continued "I know you don't think you need it but if anything were to happen to you…I…"

Clary thought for a few moments, Izzy seemed to be really serious about this, did Clary really have a problem? Looking into Izzy's pleading eyes she knew any resistance would be futile and Isabelle can be very persistent when she wants to be. If I go to this stupid group thing once then that will convince Izzy I'm fine and she will get off my back Clary thought. "Okay."

Snapping her head up Isabelle looked at Clary "You mean you'll go to the counselling?"

Clary tried a smile "I'll go once. It'll prove to you that there's nothing wrong with me and you're worrying for nothing."

Looking a little disappointed Izzy nodded and gripped Clary's hand tighter "It's a start." She smiled a pulled Clary back into a hug "I think the group meet every Tuesday, so I'll get my brother to meet you there and tell him to be nice. At least you'll know one person."

At that Clary snorted 'Yes because I know you're brother so well after meeting him a grand total of three times. Anyway he kinda scares me. Why does he go to this counselling thing and how did you convince him to go? He seems like he suffer in silence type"

Clary was trying to lighten the mood but Isabelle's face was still serious "There are teenagers with all sorts of…problems at the group. Mum forced Alec to go after she found - you know what never mind, it's not really my place to tell, but I'm sure he'll will tell you." She didn't sound so sure that her brother would tell Clary anything. "I'm just glad you'll go." She hugged Clary again and there was no speak of counselling or bulimia for the rest of the evening.


	2. Chapter 2

Don't own any of these wonderful characters

**Seeking Asylum**

Chapter 2:

Wondering why on earth she had agreed to do this Clary sat on the very edge of the little plastic chair with a good view of the other chairs that formed a circle. Not many people had turned up yet and the people who had were talking quietly in small groups. Nobody came and introduced themselves to Clary and she was grateful for it, she was not here to make friends she was here to prove a point to Isabelle. Speaking of Isabelle, where was this brother of hers. She had promised he would be here to meet Clary. After a few minutes about 10 teenagers were seated at the circle of chairs, Clary recognised no one. Izzy's brother had still not arrived; maybe he was never going to. A young woman walked in a stood in the middle of the circle, kindly introducing herself to Clary as Tessa the head counsellor. She began the session with long and boring speech about fears and how to deal with them. Clary switched off and started doodling on her hand. Half way through the speech the door was thrust open and someone strode in moodily. Clary looked up to see that it was Izzy's brother who had just arrived. "Ah, Mr Lightwood nice of you to join us" Tessa said with a bit of sarcasm. He said nothing in reply but flopped down into a chair opposite Clary. He had startling black hair, like Izzy's, which looked a little ruffled from the wind outside, he ran a hand through it making it look even more dishevelled. His eyes were of the deepest blue and they seemed to be crystals cut from the sky, Clary hadn't realised she was staring until it was too late, those beautiful eyes stared back at her without any expression. She broke his gaze and blushed slightly. Tessa had finished her speech and was now asking questions, great. She talked as if we were going to break into a million pieces at her next word. She directed her next question at the beautiful blue eyed boy "Alec, what is your worst fear?"

He stared blankly at Tessa and didn't speak for a moment "Myself." He said and didn't elaborate further.

Tessa asked another question "And how do you deal with that fear?"

Alec shifted in his seat unfazed and pulled his black jumper sleeves down over his hands calmly without speaking. He focused his eyes on Tess but doesn't respond. When it became evident he wasn't going to answer Tessa moved on.

Her next question was directed at a boy with blond, wavy hair and golden, honey coloured eyes. Clary learnt this boy was called Jace and his worst fear was ducks. The reason to his peculiar fear was because on an acid trip he hallucinated that zombie ducks wanted to kill him. It had haunted him ever since. Clary laughed inwardly to herself and across the room she saw Alec smirk. Other than Jace, she hadn't payed attention, she kept glancing at Alec who was still looking down at his hands and was irritably picking at his sleeves.

Luckily Clary wasn't asked any questions and was free to go within the hour. She hurried to the door with the rest of the group but was stopped in her tracks by Tessa "I know you didn't get time to talk much today Clary, but I just wanted you to get a feel of the group. I'd really like it if you came again next week." No, this wasn't part of the plan. Being put on the spot like that Clary panicked, however in the end she made no excuses but just smiled weakly and nodded. "Great! Can't wait to see you next time." Tessa patted Clary on the shoulder and headed off. Finally, Clary could escape. She made her way to the door just as someone was else was trying to squeeze past, and they collided. Clary began falling but her descent was short as she felt two strong hands on her shoulders, steadying her. Looking up she realised who the hands belonged to.

Alec towered above her and was able to steady her fall easily. "Sorry" Clary muttered and blushed under his intense azure gaze.

"You're Clary, right?" he said by way of reply. Before she could say anything Alec was making his way down the corridor only pausing to look back and say 'See you next week' before disappearing out the door. For some reason Clary's heart was thumping in her chest and she could still feel the burn of where Alec's hands had been on her shoulders.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: If we don't portray Alec's, Clary's or Jace's experience very well we're sorry, but neither of us have been in a situation like theirs before so we don't have any knowledge to what it's like ~ TipandMalarkey**

**Chapter 3**

Clary swung her bag onto her bed, flopping down next to it she pulled out her phone and rang Izzy. She picked up on the third ring. "So...? How was it?" Izzy asked as soon as the connection had clicked. That was just like her, getting straight to the point, not wasting a moment of time.

"Well what can I say? The welcoming party was brilliant" Clary replied as dryly as she could.

"Alec was nice to you?" Izzy inquired, not picking up on her friends sarcasm.

"I was joking Iz! He wasn't even there, he came in like ten minuets late." Exclaimed Clary.

"Wha- What? I made sure we dropped him off ten minuets _early _to make sure he was there to meet you." Her friend told her, worry hanging from the edge of her voice. "Oh, and don't worry. I didn't tell mom you were going. Look Clary I'm really sorry but I have to go. I'll call you later, or talk to you tomorrow, or- or something" With that Isabelle hung up, without so much as a goodbye. Clary heard a small click echo through her ear as the connection was cut.

"Well, nice talking to you too" Clary muttered into the dead line. Jocelyn yelled up to Clary from the bottom floor, telling her to come down. So, with a sigh, she hauled herself off her bed and made her way dutifully down the stairs.

When Clary got to the kitchen, her mother was busy making dinner, spaghetti bolognaise by the look of the ingredients spread across the counters. Clary pulled out a chair at the table and settled into it. "What's up?" Clary asked, keeping her voice even, although she had a feeling she knew what her mom was going to ask her.

"Do you want to tell me where you were?" Jocelyn asked her daughter slowly, keeping her voice calm. "You're over an hour late. You're meant to come straight back after school. You're _meant _to call me if you get delayed or have to go and do something!" Jocelyn punctuated her sentence by slicing a pepper harshly down the middle.

"I- I was at Izzy's house" Clary stuttered out, she had only seen her mother this angry a handful of times. Once when she was five, she had broken an adored vase, though it was replaced, her mother shouted at her and she was grounded for three weeks. Another time, at the age of 12, Clary threw a tantrum and splattered paint on one of Jocelyn's paintings. It had taken her months and was nearly finished. Clary was once again grounded, but for two months this time. She felt guilty and ashamed of herself once she had calmed down, but there was nothing she could do. You can't change the past, only maybe amend it.

"You think the first thing I did wasn't call Maryse?" Jocelyn asked, barking out a laugh. "Clary..." she trailed off, and sighed before continuing. "I worry about you okay? I just want to know you're safe. Tell me where you were." Her mother's voice had turned soft and caring.

Clary had to come up with a plan and quickly. The only people who knew where she was were Izzy, Alec and the rest of the group, who didn't even know her. "I'm under a lot of stress at school at the moment," Clary sputtered out, trying to formulate a plan in her head, "you know, revising for finals and stuff. I needed to clear my head so I went for a walk in the park, I knew you would worry and tell me to come back which is why I didn't tell you" The lie flowed swiftly from Clary's lips, and she hoped that it sounded believable.

"What, and you thought that not telling me _at all_ would make me worry less?" Jocelyn questioned, suspicion ghosting her voice.

"Lay off her mom." A voice chimed in. Clary twisted in her chair and saw her brother leaning in the doorway. "She's telling the truth, my friend Jace saw her walking by the pond." At the mention of Jace, Clary's heart rate picked up. Maybe some of them did know her. And it meant that he knew. Sebastian knew where she had gone, though perhaps not _why._ Clary turned fully away from her mother's gaze and mouthed a silent _thank you_ at her blond haired brother. Their mom gave a huff of defeat and sent them away, telling them that diner would be ready in about an hour. Sebastian gave his sister a stern look that said _follow me_ before walking back into the house.

* * *

Clary found her brother sat on her bed waiting for her arrival. "So," Sebastian began, an over casualness to his tone. "Were you planning on telling me why you're going to _counselling sessions?" _he asked once Clary entered the room.

"Do you even have to ask that question?" Clary replied, rubbing her eyes.

"Guess not." The blond boy said, eyeing his sister, "But I'm sure I can guess." Clary wrapped her arms around herself, like a protective cage. Shielding herself from her brother; she didn't want to hear the disappointment in his voice. The soft lulling tone telling her that everything was going to be alright. That they would get her help. But she didn't need help. She was perfectly fine, and no one understood. No one _would _understand. Why should they? Sebastian was a guy, he didn't care. He was graced with good looks too; Clary saw how the girls at her school looked at him. Izzy was perfect, all the boys wanted her, their eyes followed her like she was the herder and they were her lambs. Then there was her mother. They didn't care about that type of stuff when Jocelyn was younger, and she would freak out so bad she would get sent to Crazyville, (that was the nickname for the Carevitch Mental Institute, it was unoriginal but it stuck)

"You...you make yourself throw up don't you?" Sebastian said quietly. "You make yourself waste away, turn to skin and bones. And for what? Because it's considered beautiful?" Her brother looked down at his hands, turning his eyes away from Clary. "Well it's not. It's- it's disgusting." Clary's eyes widened at Sebastian's statement, and realizing what he had just said, his head shot up, his expression mimicking Clary's. "I didn't mean it like that Clary, I don't mean that you're-" the blond boy rushed out.

"No" Clary said sharply, interrupting. "You've said enough. Now leave." She was surprised how steely her voice was, she just wished she felt as indifferent as she sounded. Inside she was crumbling. All she wanted was to be pretty, to be wanted. It might seem shallow but she wanted boys to notice her, to want her how they wanted Izzy. And her brother just told her that she was disgusting. He might of well have said that she was trash, that no one would ever love her, ever want her. It felt like something had opened within her and slowly, slowly everything was shattering and falling into a deep, black, endless hole.

Sebastian was still staring shocked at his sister. "No- Clary, please" He fumbled out, he couldn't string a list of words together to save his life at that moment in time. The shock had taken hold of his airways and strangled him into a silence of mumblings.

"Go Sebastian!" Clary repeated, shouting this time. _"Leave!"_ She stormed over to her door and flung it open, giving her brother a wide exit. Tears were pricking the back of her eyes and her nose was tingling. She knew she was going to cry soon and she didn't want Sebastian to be there when the waterfall was set loose.

Her brother jumped to his feet and stalked past her, he knew that their shouting would alert their mother and that wouldn't be a good thing for either of them. He shot Clary a look that said _we'll talk later. _But Clary never saw, she was looking at the floor, her cheek pressed against her shoulder. Once her brother had left, Clary pushed the door shut roughly, putting all her weight against it. The tears had started to fall and Clary pressed her back against the wood. Slowly slipping down to the floor, she let the torrent flow. She wrapped her arms around her her knees, as sobs racked her petite body. As if she could hold herself together. As if she could stop herself from falling apart. From falling into the hole.

* * *

Izzy hung up on her best friend, discarded her phone and stormed to Alec's room. "Where were you?" Izzy demanded, flinging open the door. Alec was sprawled over his bed, nearly blending into his dark blue bed sheets with pyjamas nearly the exact same colour. With Alec there was never any colour. Everything was black, brown, grey or blue. Only dark blue, god forbid if he wore anything _bright._ You'd occasionally catch him in white, but only if it was mandatory.

"When?" Alec asked blandly, lazily turning a page of the book he was reading. Izzy knew he was reading either _Lord of the Rings _or _Frankenstein._ They were his favourite's but Izzy couldn't figure out why. To be honest, she couldn't figure out why anyone would read, it's so boring. Why look at some words when there's a world out there to go and explore? Clary would always read, she would get so immersed in the made up people's lives that it would take several tries to bring her back to reality.

"We dropped you off to ten minuets early so you could meet Clary. She told me you went in ten minuets _late. _There something you're not telling me brother?" Isabelle said accusingly.

"There are a lot of things I don't tell you, _sister."_ Alec replied, his voice still bored, as if Izzy's presence was no more than an irritant.

The black haired girl was growing agitated and spoke her next sentence through her teeth. "I'm being serious Alec. _Where were you?" _

Alec sighed, marked his page with a scrap of paper - a receipt, it looked like - and placed the book down. Izzy was surprised to see that it was not what she predicted, but _A Tale of Two Cities _instead. Izzy briefly let her mind wonder why her brother was reading a book like that: a love story, then quickly banished the thought. There were far more pressing matters at hand than what _book _he was reading. "Why does it matter Iz?" Alec finally asked his sister.

Izzy's jaw dropped, "What do you mean 'Why does it matter?'? It matters because you're going to these sessions to get _help. Not _to use it as time to do it away from us!" Izzy stepped forward the couple of feet that was separating them and yanked down the sleeve of the arm closest to her. She held him by the wrist and gasped when she saw the lines of dried blood that ran parallel down the length of his arm. They crossed over scars that ran horizontal to his wrist. Narrow but deep, a stream of dark red from wrist to elbow. Before Izzy could fully suss out how bad they were, Alec was wrenching back his arm and pulling his sleeve down again.

"Alec..." Izzy whispered. She drew the hand she had been gripping his arm with into her chest, cradling it with her other hand as if it were broken. "They're so..._bad." _Izzy had seen Alec's cuts before, but they had never been this deep. Never looked like they had lost as much blood. Tessa had told them that when he start cutting lengthwise, that's when it get's really serious. That's when he really needs help.

"Go on then." Alec said harshly. He had moved and was now sitting with his back pushed against the wall. "Go and tell mom how her son is still a messed up piece of shit. That the stupid counselling sessions are a waste of time. That you might as well give up on me. That I'm hopeless." Alec's voice had softened, a brokenness had crept in. But Izzy didn't notice. The only people who ever would are the people like him. The fucked up ones.

"No, Alec. You'll get better. The sessions work. They work okay? They work." Izzy's voice was choked, and she sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than her brother.

"Not all the time Isabelle." Alec was staring evenly at his sister. He wouldn't cry. He hadn't cried for years. Not since everything had started. Alec looked down to his hands before uttering his next sentence. "Just go Iz. Leave me alone." Alec didn't hear as his sister turned around and walked out the door. The only reason he new he was was because of the door slamming. He was alone. The way he liked it.


End file.
